- Jul 9
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
- Beth Brunk
- 2 comments
On the left: I felt so much shame. I was married to someone that chose me but I wasn’t enough for him. From the very beginning he showed me I wasn’t enough. I eventually took on the belief that I wasn’t enough. My energy was being sucked from me by the intrusive thoughts, brain fog and pain in my heart. I was hurt that he chose pornography over me.
I didn’t understand how the teachings, about submission, sex and marriage I grew up with were contributing to what was happening in my marriage.
I was angry that he was inviting the enemy into our home with his pornography use.
I was frustrated that nothing was changing.
I was to the point where I could see through his lies.
And I was seeing the effects of abuse, abuse of me and the children, on my children and myself.
On the right: 10 years later. Look at the difference in my eyes. A picture is worth a thousand words … I think in this case a picture is worth more than a thousand words, what a difference! I see so many things in this picture:
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I see peace. Finally.
Peace with the fact that he chose pornography over his family.
Peace in my home. Chaos still happens but not everyday and not by an adult male, by children who are still children.
Peace with truly being a single mother, not a married single mother.
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I see joy.
So much joy.
Joy wells up within me at odd times.
The simple joy in being alive.
Joy with motherhood.
Joy in color, laughter and life.
Joy in serving my Savior.
I see the joy of restored relationships with two of my adult children.
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I see happiness.
Genuine happiness, no matter what my circumstances are.
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I see freedom.
Freedom from shame.
Freedom from judgments of others.
Freedom from the chains that bound me: bitterness, anger, shame, lack of joy, abuse, freedom from the belief that I am NOT enough, freedom from feeling crazy, freedom from lies.
Freedom to be ME.
Pictures don't lie. They show it all.
"A cheerful heart brings good healing, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 22:17
What would it take to see those kinds of changes in yourself?
Are you ready to see those kinds of changes in yourself?
Consider this your invitation to join us in my program Betrayed but Not Broken.
2 comments
The eyes are the window of the soul
I have often reflected on Davids comment: unite my heart to praise you oh Lord. One day I did a deep study on every single word and found out that the heart contains the soul and the spirit. So the soul carries the wounds the anger the bitterness the unforgiven us all the emotions the mind the will and the emotions are expressed there in the soul. May we prosper and be health as the soul prosperous.
My growing peace is coming from learning to walk in the spirit and discipline the soul, mind will emotions as though they were two year old children. To put them under subjection to the word of God.
The next step, and that is where I am now is to view all past and present hurts and emotions and violations and betrayals through the lens of the spirit and bring my soul under subject to my spirit so that they can walk in unity to the word of God.
Then I will not have a divided heart. There is one scripture that describes this as a double minded person. But that is not really true in those sense that we understand English. I would describe it more as a conflicted heart. The spirit knows the truthbut our soul cannot wrap our mind around it or except the horror of it and so we live conflicted.
Until King Jesus proves himself to us. Until we discern that we can trust him. Until we take time to know him intimately so we can let go of our childish ways of hiding under the blanket or running into the woods or taking the sleeping bag to the car in the garage and pretending like you're running away.
All of these things I did... that is why I am focusing on Psalm 45 four today. I need to stay on that note so that my soul feels comforted because I feel a little abandoned right now and I know I'm not. But I do deeply long for communication with a person who genuinely not out of church duty or religious duty or Christian duty but out of genuine care and heart interest is eager to commune with me and give space in their life to me right now that one is father son and Holy Spirit as they come to me however they choose. I discern the genuineness of their attention. There's nothing like it.
However I still long for a human companion who genuinely sees value in who I am and wants to be with me.
In the meantime I'm taking this opportunity to get to know my Trinity friends as they choose to reveal themselves to me
Thank you for sharing it stirs me up to write my greatest joy right now is in writing I am praying for a computer a blog and a place of my own.
I will pray for human companionship with those who want to be with you for you. That Father will bring them into your life and you will recognize what a gift they are!!