A Time to Marry and a Time to Divorce

My former husband told me that he had made a deal with his therapist that if he used pornography, he would tell the therapist and me within 24 hrs. However, when he was schedule for a health evaluation and asked me if he needed to tell the Dr that he had a pornography addiction, alarm bells went off. I asked if he was still using. He said yes.

At that time I wished for someone to tell me what to do. Do I divorce him after all this time or do I stay and continue to try to work it out? I had lived like this for so long that I had lost myself. I had lost trust in myself. I still had faith in Yahweh, thankfully, I never walked away from him. I knew what I had been taught about marriage and divorce. I also knew what I now believed about divorce. And I knew what others would say if I pursued divorce.  I wanted someone to just tell me what steps to take next.

I needed someone to say “You have fought for your marriage for 21 years. He promised to love and cherish you and he has not kept that promise. It is time to move on with your life. He has no intention of changing.”

Or "he is abusive to you and your children, it is time to divorce him and move on."

No one said that. Instead they said, "God hates divorce."

Or "Even when we are tired we made a vow to God."

And "Stay open to reconciliation, Beth, God can heal this …" 

I was waiting to be released from my marriage and one day in July that release came. I told him the next day that I wanted a divorce. Because I knew I had been released I was able to stand strong and not be affected by the things he said in declarations. I never doubted that I was free to divorce him.

"You also do this: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears as you weep and groan, because he no longer pays any attention to the offering nor accepts it favorably from you. Yet you ask, “Why?” The Lord is testifying against you on behalf of the wife you married when you were young, to whom you have become unfaithful even though she is your companion and wife by law. No one who has even a small portion of the Spirit in him does this. What did our ancestor do when seeking a child from God? Be attentive, then, to your own spirit, for one should not be disloyal to the wife he took in his youth. “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and the one who is guilty of violence,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful.”"
Malachi 3:13-16