This week I am going to share about gaslighting as a form of abuse related to pornography addiction. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse.
Maybe it is just a feeling (wives have those don't they) we just know something isn't right, though we can't put our finger on it.
Maybe it is something you saw or THOUGHT you saw.
Maybe it is something that was said, that raised a question.
And when it was brought up to discuss or ask clarification, all you got in return was, "that isn't what you saw."
"I don't know why you would feel that way, I am not doing anything." Yet it keeps on nagging at you."
Or maybe in passing he said something that just sounded a little off so you asked for clarification and he said "That isn't what I said, you misheard."
Notice how it is always turned on you? You didn't see what you know you saw, hear what you know you heard or feel what you know you feel or felt.
That is gaslighting and it is crazy making. It causes the questioning of everything. To question if you actually did hear that thing, or see that picture, video, website, etc, or if you are just making up what you are feeling.
It was happening to me by both my former spouse and his family. The feeling of going crazy was very real. The knowing what was said, then being told it wasn't what was said caused me to question my reality over and over.
I remember thinking that I was the problem. As I wandered around the house that day in a daze not knowing what to do about the suitation, not getting anything done, barely functioning.
Finally, I decided I was the problem and if I left they could be happy. So I got out my suitcase and packed it to leave.
I remember those feelings like they were yesterday. THEN, Father broke through to me. And woke me up from that nightmare, I wasn't the problem. I wasn't crazy. I put the suitcase away and thanked Him.
I had at least one other time of this happening before I realized that I wasn't really the problem they were and I learned to ignore it and not let it get to me like it did those two times.
Years later I learned it had a name and I knew exactly what gaslighting was, I had experienced it.
The Bible has a way of dealing with gaslighting or the people that use it, that I adopted and found freedom in using.
Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you yourself also be like him.
Proverbs 26:4
When you recognize gaslighting is being used on you, stop responding. Just don't answer, let them think they have 'won' or that they are correct. It doesn't matter. You know what you have saw, heard or feel and you do not need their validation. Nor do you need to argue about it, prove anything or continue to dwell on it. Let it go. They will never validate you. The story may change again, it often did in my experience. Just recognize who and what you are dealing with and stop arguing.
Book recommendations regarding gaslighting.
The First Will be Last: A Biblical Perspective on Gaslighting, DC Robertson
Why is it Always About YOU? Sandy Hotchkiss
The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook: Healing from Emotional Abuse, Amy Marlow-MaCoy
How have you experienced gaslighting?
How have you dealt with gaslighting when it was done to you?