Or Is It?
About two years into our marriage my former husband confessed that he was using pornography. He confessed again about 2 years later. He kept confessing throughout our marriage.
I know now that this is called trickle disclosure and it is very harmful to relationships and destroys trust quickly. It also created a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. Constantly being on guard.
All of it is exhausting.
When he choked our son to the point of blackout, that was my wake up call and then our daughter ran away at 17 and I woke up further. That is when I really started to make changes, for myself and for my children. Changes I should have made many years before, but incorrect beliefs kept me stuck in the abusive marriage.
I started to be extremely intentional about my healing.
I sought out an EMDR practitioner, not knowing that she specialized in sexual trauma! She was amazing to work with. After I finished with EMDR, I ask Father where I should go next. He answered. I have used and continue to use among other modalities prayer, groups for sexually betrayed women, CSAT therapy, tapping, Splankna, essential oils, self care and journaling to facilitate healing. One of my favorite modalities that I practice on my own is Emotion Code. I bought the book and started doing it on my own, so powerful! Especially when partnered with the Holy Spirit.